BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom.  It is not necessary to do anything. 

Just sit and stare.     

DOORS: Do not allow any closed doors in any room. 

To get door open, stand on hind legs and  hammer with forepaws.   Once door is opened, it is not necessary 

to use it.  After you have ordered  an "outside" door opened, stand halfway  in and out and think about

 several things.  This is particularly important

during very cold weather,

rain, snow, or mosquito season.      

CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up,

get to a chair quickly.  If you cannot manage in time,

get to an  Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, 

 shag is good.  When throwing up on the carpet, 

make sure you back up so it is as long  as a

humans bare foot.        

HAMPERING:  If one of your humans is engaged

in  some activity and the other is idle,  stay with the

busy one.  This is called "helping," otherwise known as "hampering."  Following are the rules for "hampering:

" 1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the

left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and

thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on

and then picked up and comforted.

 2) For book readers, get in close under the chin,

 between eyes and book,unless you can lie  across

the book itself. 

3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the

most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much 

of the work as possible or at least.  Pretend to doze,

but every so often reach  out and slap the pencil or pen.

 4) When a human is holding the newspaper in

front of him/her, be sure to jump on  the back

of the paper. Humans love to jump.  

 5) When human is working at computer,

jump up on desk, walk across keyboard,

bat at mouse pointer on screen and

then lay in human's lap across arms,

hampering typing in progress.     

WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly

and as close as possible in front of the human,

especially:  on stairs, when they have something

in their arms, in the dark, and when they first

get up  in the morning. This will help their 

 coordination skills.             

BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night 

 so he/she cannot move around.            

 LITTER BOX: When using the litter box,

be sure to kick  as much litter out of the box

as possible.  Humans love the feel of kitty litter 

 between their toes.     

HIDING: Every now and then, hide in a place 

 where the humans cannot find you. Do not come out

for three to four  hours under any circumstances.  

This will cause the humans to panic  (which they love) thinking that you  have run away or are lost. 

 Once you do come out, the humans will  cover you

with love and kisses  and you will probably get a treat.        

ONE LAST THOUGHT: Whenever possible,

get close to a human, especially their face,

turn around, and present your butt to them. 

Humans love this, so do it often.

And don't forget guests!