Things are settling down with my brother and sister-in-law.  Char has been placed by her doctors in long-term care for Dementia/Alzheimer's Disease.  My brother has accepted this and has calmed considerably down, probably because he knows that he can drive to visit her and this is such a comfort to him.  As the dust settles, he has also consented (with my urging as well as my two sister's urging) to allow home-health nurses to stop in and check on him.  All things considered, this is a really good choice on his part, especially since he wishes to stay at home at this time.  Meals on wheels has been set up to bring him his meals each day, and Larry is managing fairly well on his own with his daily living needs as well as receiving emotional support and encouragement and the love that is needed from his siblings ...from all of us who are calling and checking on him who are separated by the many miles between us.

 

I remember my mother saying once, "It's hell to grow old".  I am inclined to agree with her assessment of it all.  I feel better tho than when I was writing the previous blog, as then, we were all uncertain about Char's health diagnosis and what would happen to both she and Larry.  At least decisions have been made in this regard for Char and to some degree for Larry and this is good.

 

I keep relying on the thought that "Everything is as it should be" although it is hard to follow my own advice sometimes when I am worried about my family or my friends...or my pets....or......  (worry is such a useless emotion isn't it?)

 

On the good note, Today is my daughter Debby's birthday...I called and we had such a warm conversation.  I listened to her busy schedule that she laid out for me for today, and I remembered how it was when I was younger with my three children at home nestled under my wing in my nest....I too, was busy...I too felt overwhelmed at times with all that seemed to be needed for the day.  I smiled to myself and listened to my daughter as she talked hurridly into the phone.  Once the conversation ended, I sat back...sipped on my coffee and picked up a particularly good novel I am reading by Sandra Brown. 

 

Last night I went over for dinner at Don and Lisa's.  My "extended" family was there.  My first husband Sterling, who is the father of my three children, was there with his wife Nancy visiting from Colorado.  We all sat enjoying one another's company.  We have become the "extended family" so to speak...we love each other and we have come to the conclusion to allow the past to be exactly that...the past....we have forgiven one another and have become true friends.  I never dreamed for a moment in time that someday we would be sitting all together comfortable in one another's presence...but there we were.  I really like Nancy and it is great that we have become friends...as well as Sterling being a friend...It is a good thing....it is "Everything is as it should be" kind of thing.  No one felt uncomfortable...we ate together, we laughed together...we enjoyed our children and grandchildren together...and when I came home, I settled down next to Cleo Cat and slept a peaceful night's sleep.  Michael my guardian angel, must have smiled in heaven.

 

Love is amazing isn't it?  Love can conquer all if we just let it....Love...the true necessity of Life!

 

 

 

 

Reaching Out

 

 

As I walked in the door a week ago Sunday night, my phone was ringing.  I answered it and found to my surprise that my neice (my brother's daughter) was calling me from Nebraska.  I have spoken to Sheila (age 40)  off and on throughout the years, usually our phone calls were regarding a family crisis.  This phone call was no exception.  Sheila notified me that my brother Larry, (age 72) and his wife Char (age 61) were having medical problems.  Char had lost her teaching job of 30 years to a small high school in Nebraska.  She had been exhibiting unusual memory loss symptoms and bizarre mental behavior that precipiated the school board removing her from her position two weeks prior.  She had undergone a neurology exam, MRI of the brain and was now hospitalized in the local hospital for more tests.  Her admitting diagnosis was dementia, probable Alzheimers vs "mental breakdown".   Char had been caring for my brother who has multiple medical problems, several back surgeries, osteoarthritis, seizures and a recent history of falls with broken bones resulting from the falls.  He got around with a walker, and was doing well with the exception of his falling at home.  The house has stairs and Larry lives for the most part in the finished basement where a bedroom, bath, and a family room as well as kitchen refrigerator, microwave is located.  However, to answer the door or to leave the house, Larry has to maneuver the steep stairs.  Thus said, the doctors had decided to also hospitalize Larry to evaluate whether he would be able to perform his everyday care or if he would be able to handle caring for Char.  It seemed clear enough that the doctors were on top of things, and I felt some assurance from this fact, however, Sheila troubled me.  She was in high anxiety during the phone conversation and expressed that she did not want to "Take care of either of them" and she didn't want the responsibility.  "I am way too young for this problem!" her voice filled with anxiety.   She further stated, "You are a nurse.  Fly here and take care of your brother!"  Her voice was adament.  I explained to Sheila that my health had deteriorated over the past year, and I had taken early retirement from nursing, and I had moved to Florida to be near my son and family inorder for their help as I age.  I felt terrible inside, as I explained to her my cardiac history and that I could not care for my brother as a nurse.  After the phone conversation, I felt sad, and very helpless to help my brother.  I went through the next few days calling my brother, speaking with my other sisters, and attempting to get Sheila to talk to the doctors about either assisted living or home health care for Larry and Char.  My older sister Jerri and her husband went to visit Larry at the hospital and talked to Larry.  He  expressed his desire to stay at home and not go into assisted living, which was met with a shouting match between him and Sheila who was also visiting.   Sheila finally left his room, shouting at the top of her lungs that it was "his problem" and "not hers" and "good luck!"   and then glared at my sister (age 70) and said, "You take care of him.  I am not going to!"    Sis called me, relaying all this information.  I hung up the phone, feeling the guilt rise within me.  After all, my children had reached out to me to care for me when I need them...and I felt such sadness that my brother was not getting this support that he needed from his child.  I felt guilty that I could not financially or physically help him in his care.  This filled me with anxiety for a few days until I realized that anxiety was not going to be any help to anyone.  I settled down and began to think.  My sisters and I called and checked on Larry, who had released himself from the hospital against medical advice and had gone home.  I knew this was not a good choice, but I also understood his fear however irrational it might be, as to wanting to simply go home to the comfort of home...his things...his life as he knew it.  I had dealt with this with many patients that I had cared for in my nursing career, and I have personally experienced this same feeling as I have maneuvered through my own health problems.   

 

Sheila wound up talking her husband into placing a restraining order against her father so that he cannot call or come to visit her.  I guess she felt this was her only recourse and not knowing what was happening to him was far preferable than taking responsiblity as a child for an aging parent.  Sadly enough, this isolates my brother from his child.  My older sis and her hubby who live less than 5 minutes from my brother, have gone to visit and made certain he had food, and also took him out for a much needed break to the local restaurant for a breakfast.  I have kept in close contact with my sisters and my brother calling him each day and reassuring him emotionally...giving him the sister love that only sisters can give.

 

Which brings me to "reaching out".....I have prayed to God above for my brother and his wife..for their health..for their safety....until a definitive diagnosis is made by Char's doctors, and whether she needs long-term care, is not known by my sisters or me...the hospital true to HIPPA privacy act gives no information other than to Char's daughter Jenny who is currently caring for her mother and visiting with the doctors.  No information has been given to my brother.  It is so sad...this strange family dynamics that have played out in my family.  Dysfunction at it's worst...and there is essentially nothing that can hoped to be gained at this point.  Time will reveal all....Char's diagnosis, my brother Larry and his ability to care for himself...and the medical profession's ability to get the proper care for both of them that is needed....

 

My family is not unique in this problem.  Each family reaches this point sooner or later...it is about aging parents...the care of aging parents..and what is best for all concerned.  I am not whining in this regard...I am simply allowing this site, my little blog world...to know what troubles me....and what does not...you, my friends, my family...you are my sounding-board.  Each of you have at one point or another been faced with the problems that I have talked about.  Like close friends, I reach out  to you...telling you of my sadness...my concern..and my prayers for my family.  I love all of you and I thank you for letting me vent my frustration...and my sadness.  I love you all....

 

May it Be. 

 

 

March 5th.

 

Happy Anniversary Michael,

 

Twenty-Seven years ago we fell in love...

And Tonight I place three roses in a vase

In the center of the table...

And I have lit a candle in your memory

 

Rest in Peace my Dearest One.

Until we meet again...

Happy Anniversary my Michael

May it Be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I opened my lanai door allowing the sea breeze from the ocean fill my condo.  Soft and gentle the wind blew as I enjoyed 85 degree temperature today in Florida.  I felt relaxed, my soul as gentle as the breeze that whispered softly against my skin.  I spent the day quietly enjoying the warmth and the refreshing breeze that the ocean has brought to Florida.  I reflected upon the past few days:

 

My daughter-in-law Lisa has had her mother Nae from Denver visiting for the past two weeks.  Yesterday the three of us met for lunch at a little Greek restaurant near my home.  I, who have eatten Greek food rarely, enjoyed a wonderful lunch and conversation with Lisa and Nae.  Afterwards, we headed for a shopping trip to Steinmart.  I came away with some lovely new earrings and new tops for Spring in Florida.  This weekend, Don, Lisa, Nae and Terry and myself are going out on Saturday night...I of course am ready to enjoy family and conversation and a good meal and a tasty wine.

 

Last night I received a phone call from my oldest son Dan in Michigan.  Josh, my grandson who is active-duty military is going to marry his sweetheart Megan in Michigan.  I am happy for my grandson, and even though he is young...(as I once was when I married)...I wish him only the greatest of happiness.  So once the wedding plans are set, I will look forward to attending a wedding of my grandson.

 

I also received a phone call from Tina, who is living in my condo in Aurora, Colorado.  An electrical box needed replaced, and so, the phone calls were made, an electrician was quickly dispatched and my condo now has a new electrical box...I sighed...there goes my tax refund that I was to have this year.....easy come....easy go.  Ahhhhhh, but that is what it is....and I am thankful that the condo will now be safe from any electrical problem.  Tina said that there had to be a dry-wall patch done around the new electrical box that had been put in, and fortunately for us, Shawn, her boyfriend, has had much experience with dry wall.....so, this problem too is solved.  There is enough paint left over to touch up after the dry wall patch has been done...and this is good too.

 

Life..isn't it something sometimes?  As I sat today on the Lanai, the Muscovy ducks swam across Tranquility Lake and came to the bank outside of my Lanai.  It was wonderful to watch them as they basked in the sunlight...drying their wings.  Cleo Cat and I sat very quiet and watched...totally absorbed in the moment.

 

The Sea breeze has picked up this evening...it is bringing in moisture to Central Florida.  Rain possibly in the near future...I love the rain...I must admit, so I look forward to it.

 

Nae and Terry are flying back to Denver this coming Tuesday...until then, I will enjoy the time spent with them and Don and Lisa and my grandchildren.  May it Be.