The New Year ushered in as magical as the first snowfall...within a twinkling of the eye, it arrived and I found myself caught up with the joy of it as I drove to Don and Lisa's for the New Year's Eve party at their house.  Lisa's parents,  Nae and Terry and Lisa's 88 year old Grandmother Nan were among the guests.  Champaign flowed like water during the evening's festivities and we laughed and chatted with one another as families do.  The hours passed quickly as we sat in the living room, our chairs in a circle.  Don sat next to me and I watched my son with pride.  He has taken on so much in responsibility towards not only his wife and children and their new home that is almost built, but also caring for his aging parents, in particular me.  I am in eternal gratitude to Don and Lisa for their generosity, because if it were not for them, I would not be living in the style that I do here in my comfy condo in Florida.  I acknowledge all of this with the most heartfelt emotions that I can confess to those of you who know me best.  It is not something I can easily talk about let alone creating it in words that spill upon the screen on my computer.   Yet, I do find myself in need of saying this in a way of explanation the depth of pride and love that I have for my son Don and for Lisa who have alone taken upon themselves the desire to care for me and also for Sterling and Nancy.  It strikes a chord within me, as I place my independent pride aside.  I have always prided myself in my ability to care for myself without the help of others, yet, now, as I grow older and a bit more impaired in body, I am learning to humble myself in accepting the sweet loving help that has been given to me...and so, I find myself beginning this new year of 2009 with this lesson fresh within my soul.

The independent spirit that has always motivated me to reach for the stars still sparks bright within me and so on New Year's Eve as I sat with the family, I found myself reminiscing of the previous New Year's Eves in my life that has led up to this magical night.  I thought of the Loves in my life, who have come and gone...and of the richness that has filled my life, from having my three children, my seven grandchildren and my two great-grandchildren.  Life is so amazing I found myself thinking as I listened quietly to the conversations that passed between all of us that evening.

New Year's Day arrived with warm sunshine in Central Florida.  I greeted it with a slight headache from the champaign that had touched my lips the night before.  I took my handful of pills prescribed by my cardiologist and swallowed it down with refreshing water.  I had not particular plans for New Year's Day, and so I watched old movies in the afternoon, and Cleo Cat and I curled up together on the couch.

My mind swirled over my New Year's Resolution...it is simple actually, as far as writing it here.  It is not so easy to accomplish, but that is all in how much I wish to do it.  My Resolution is this: To strive to take care of myself in such way to improve my overall health both in body and spirit. 

I called Jenny Craig on January 2nd and spoke with a counselor.  I explained how good I felt on the program when I am on it...and how lousy I feel when I am off it.  I hate the weight that I have gained over the years...and so this year, I begin with a renewed desire to do something about it.  I rejoined the program, and Tuesday, January 6th (tomorrow) my two-weeks of food and supplements arrive.  I must confess that I cannot wait.  It is nice to look forward to all of the right reasons to lose weight...to be healthy in body and mind.  Ah yes, this is a Resolution I am claiming within me with much enthusiasm.

I called Don and Lisa Friday night and made plans for the following day to go to the movie at 4 PM. The movie was wonderful...starring Brad Pit who once again captured the audience in his fantastic performance in "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button".  If you have not seen this movie, trust me when I say that the three hour movie passes so quickly that you wish it would not end.  I ate a small amount of popcorn and munched on the last splurge of chocolate outside of my diet for awhile to come.  After the movie, Katie, my 10 year old granddaughter and I went home to my condo for a "sleep over with Grams". 

The weekend came and went quickly, and Sunday morning, Don, Lisa, Katie and me had breakfast together.  After Katie went home with them, I returned to my home.  The quiet settled comfortably around me, blanketing my soul with sweet memories of Katie's chatter and laughter.  Cleo curled upon my lap, purring softly as I sat on the lanai, the strains of Andre Bocelli wafting from the stereo upon the afternoon breeze. 

Last night Jordan, my little nine-year old granddaughter in Colorado called me.  We talked, comfortably between one another.  She reminds me so of Debby, my daughter (Jordan's mother) in her personality.  Her spirit glows brightly...sparkling like a precious diamond.  Jordie spoke of returning to school...and half-heartedly she confessed to me that she really secretly wished that school wasn't going to start the next day.  And then Jordan told me how the magical Dream Catcher that I had given her to keep the bad dreams away had failed two nights before.  Jordan's voice cracked as she told me that she had dreamed that I had died.  I listened to her words as she related to me her bad dream...my heartbeat slowed  within my chest, and time seemed to stand still for just a moment.   Jordan's voice was barely a whisper in the phone's receiver as she spoke.  She remembered  that her parents had received a phone call and I had died in a hospital.  "That was what I dreamed Grandma, and I don't ever want to lose you!"  I reassured Jordan that I was not ready yet to die...and that I wanted to be around for a few years more...to perhaps live so long as to see her someday happily married, and her firstborn nestled in my arms.  Jordan listened and then she spoke once again  in a hushed voice.  "Yes, Grammy, I want you to Never Die!"  Ahhhhh the innocence of youth, I thought to myself.  She is learning of death...and she does not want to lose her loved ones.  I changed the subject and told her to "blow on the dream catcher, as obviously it was full and plugged up with bad dreams that it had caught in its web, and therefore her bad dream had come in the night to her."  Jordan accepted this and promised to blow on the dream catcher before falling asleep.  We hung up shortly after.

I thought about the phone conversation with Jordan.  I had dreamed of those who had died before me...but rarely had I dreamed of someone I loved dying.  I did once dream of Mike and myself on a mountain..and he had left me alone on the mountain, as he disappeared from my sight down the side of the mountain.  For whatever reason, I could not follow him, and I cried out to him to come back.  That I did not want to be alone!"  And then I awoke.  The dream as vivid to me now as when I had dreamt it.  I awoke with that deep fear and sadness that accompanies the fear of losing one you love.  I didn't realize that It was a foretelling of things yet to come....of Michael's journey upon the Stairway to Heaven.  I secretly confess to those of you who are reading this...that I hope Jordan's dream is not a foretelling of things yet to come...and yet, that is foolish on my part not to acknowledge the truth of it all.  I am alive today and I must live life with renewed vigor...without fear...with little hesitation...for after all, "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, But by the moments that take our breath away!"

I awoke this morning, the joy of life abundantly filling the depths of my Being.   I sipped on black coffee as four Hawks soared above in the sunlight. I listened to Andre Bocelli on the stereo...the music of his heart filling my soul with renewed peace.  Cleo curled next to my feet, her warm body softly pressed against my skin. 

It is a new day...time for me to take a walk around the neighborhood.  Life feels right to me today...I sipped the last of the coffee and headed for the door with this thought ...

"Everything is as it should Be". . .